Ask A Guy: Why Do I Attract the Guys I Don’t Like and Not the Ones I Do?
Meeting guys and having guys interested in me is not a problem. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I’m in good shape and everyone tells me how pretty I am so I don’t doubt my physical attractiveness.
Here’s the thing: There is a guy I see a lot (he’s a friend of a friend) and I’ve developed a crush on him. I was trying to find out if he was into me and a friend of mine quoted him saying that I was a “cool girl, but not his type”.
I really like this guy – I want to understand why he doesn’t like me and if there’s anything I can do to get him to like me and see me as a romantic interest.
OK, before I even begin talking about why a guy might like you or not like you, just remember that you really don’t KNOW what he said or how he really feels. All you know is something a friend told you he said.
But here’s a common problem I hear from women and men about their dating lives: They can get the ones they don’t want to fall head-over-heels in love with them, but when they find someone they want, they fail miserably.
And it sounds like that’s what you’re describing.
It really doesn’t matter how good you are with getting people who you don’t want to lust for and adore you… You don’t want them, so they really aren’t options anyway.
The real issue here is what is the problem that “wanting” is causing?
In other words: If you can have the ones you don’t want wrapped around your finger as love slaves, then something about you “wanting” someone is what’s causing the real problem here.
Let’s examine what those common problems are:
He’s out of my league / I’m not good enough for him-
Mindset is everything in dating. When you BELIEVE and ASSUME that you are irresistibly attractive and that a man (or any man) wants you hardcore, it often comes about.Thing is, sometimes women make “identities” out of their problems – what starts out as a quirky, lighthearted complaint keeps getting repeated until it suddenly becomes their reality and they believe that this is out of their control.
Your beliefs and your dating/relationship reality are completely under your control. But you need to step up and stop programming your mind with garbage. If you’ve been falling into the trap of telling the only-the-ones-I-don’t-want-want-me sob story, STOP IT and never do it again.Instead, start “brainwashing yourself” into this belief: The ones I want the most will find me irresistible and they want me, hard. Now, you may say, “Eric, even if I repeated that to myself a thousand times it would still not believe it.”
Why not? Think about it. There are tons of women… even women who are married… who have never experienced having men obsessed with them, chasing them, idolizing them… you have. You have experience being a type of girl that the vast majority of other women don’t have.
So if you just stop telling that sob story to yourself and act and BELIEVE around those that you want using the same vibe as the ones you didn’t want, then you’ll get the same result. And the more in-demand a guy is, the more he’s craving to meet a girl who actually feels like a worthy partner to him.
You’re only not good enough when YOU decide that you aren’t good enough.
I lose interest once guys become interested in me.
People can be funny animals at times.I’ve known girls that would obsess over guys – chasing, checking their texts, etc… until he started liking them back or showing signs of commitment.These girls loved the chase. They loved the notch on the belt. But most importantly, they loved the reassurance to their ego – having their “prize” like them back validated them as being good enough in the world.
I’m not here to judge, but if that’s your mindset, then I think you’re best course of action is to really examine yourself and see if you have an issue becoming vulnerable to people or opening up. In these types of cases, a fear of becoming vulnerable or sharing a real connection / bond is terrifying to these women (or men) and once that psychological hole is repaired, then the potential for a relationship becomes possible.
He seemed interested, but then lost interest. Now I’m hooked on him and he’s withdrawing.
OK, when he was interested, you were living and enjoying your life.Oftentimes when this happens, a woman goes from living a full, well-balanced life to putting all her eggs in one basket: the relationship. Instead of going out with friends, she hangs out with the boyfriend. Instead of exercising at the gym, she eats Ben & Jerry’s and watches movies with the boyfriend. Instead of doing the hobbies and interests she loves, she spends time with the boyfriend. And at first it’s magical and fun… the reason is that both the guy and the girl are “full” – full of love of themselves, full of love of their life, full of a great mood and outlook.But then they start swapping out all the things that “filled them up” in their life and they replace with spending more and more time with each other. They make the error of thinking that the relationship is filling them up, when in fact, their great relationship is a bi-product of them leading a full life and loving themselves
So in the case of what you’re talking about, most women don’t realize this and they make the tremendous mistake of trying to “repair the relationship”. The relationship is not the problem – it is always a bi-product of your life.
To improve your relationship, improve your life and your love for yourself. If a relationship “makes you” crazy, neurotic and paranoid, it is inevitable that the relationship will fall apart (and it will fall apart even quicker if you act on your crazy, neurotic, paranoid state of mind and blame him for it…)
Fill your life with activities you love, people you love, etc. Fill your mind with love for yourself – the woman who wants love from the world but cannot bring it about in herself will be forever thirsty for love… Love always starts within you and flows outward.
Plain and simple, he doesn’t like me. He’s not attracted to me.
First, let’s be clear on “liking” and “attraction”.I remember one girl that I hated at first, but found really attractive. We eventually hooked up and it was actually pretty awesome… but that’s beside the point.The important thing is not to confuse “liking you as a person” and “feeling attraction for you”. Two separate things. I’ve had women I’ve loved as people but couldn’t force an ounce of attraction for them if I tried. And I’ve felt tons of attraction to some women who I loathed as people. Nature is funny, I guess.
To be clear though, I like the vast majority of women that I’m attracted to. I’m not trying to say that being “hate-able” is a strategy for getting guys attracted. It’s not.
I am saying that provoking emotions, positive or negative, is usually a sign that attraction potential is there.
Moving on to my other point…
This is similar to what I was saying at the first part – when you ASSUME he wants you, you are far more likely to have him end up wanting you. Why? Because when you think you’re hot, you come across as confident.
Most people (and their thoughts) are not well-formed, concrete decisions. They’re kind of gray, on-the-fence, neutral thoughts unless spiked with emotion or inspiration from the outside.
So when a person believes strong enough that they are hot and irresistible, the minds of others subconsciously pick that up and just roll with it (unless given a massive reason not to).
From a psychological standpoint, it’s fascinating. Even when you’re not a guy’s type, if you believe he wants you hard enough, oftentimes you’ll tip the scale and his mind will make an exception for you.
I learned this trick from an ex-girlfriend actually. I never told her this, but I was never into fair-skinned girls with freckles – just not my type. But I was really into her – I thought she was hot, sexy and irresistible. Man, she had me chasing her… she definitely played me for a fool.
And the power behind how she got me so wrapped-up on her was on this powerful assumption. There was a night where she casually told me, “Oh yeah, when me and my friend go to the bar, we act like we own the place. I don’t care what people think, I don’t care who they are – when I am there, I am the celebrity, I get what I want and everyone wants me.”
And she was right – she was actually a fairly shy girl, but when she stepped into a party or bar, she always owned and commanded the room.
If you can master what I’m explaining here, you’ll have that power too. Even if you’re “not his type.
So there you have it – why he doesn’t like you and what to do to turn the scales in your favor.
Hope that helps,
eric charles
P.S. Want to know how much your guy really wants you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) "Does He Like Me" Quiz right now and find out how "into you" he really is...
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/why-doesnt-he-like-me/#sthash.zJvjInza.dpuf
Meeting guys and having guys interested in me is not a problem. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I’m in good shape and everyone tells me how pretty I am so I don’t doubt my physical attractiveness.
Here’s the thing: There is a guy I see a lot (he’s a friend of a friend) and I’ve developed a crush on him. I was trying to find out if he was into me and a friend of mine quoted him saying that I was a “cool girl, but not his type”.
I really like this guy – I want to understand why he doesn’t like me and if there’s anything I can do to get him to like me and see me as a romantic interest.
OK, before I even begin talking about why a guy might like you or not like you, just remember that you really don’t KNOW what he said or how he really feels. All you know is something a friend told you he said.
But here’s a common problem I hear from women and men about their dating lives: They can get the ones they don’t want to fall head-over-heels in love with them, but when they find someone they want, they fail miserably.
And it sounds like that’s what you’re describing.
It really doesn’t matter how good you are with getting people who you don’t want to lust for and adore you… You don’t want them, so they really aren’t options anyway.
The real issue here is what is the problem that “wanting” is causing?
In other words: If you can have the ones you don’t want wrapped around your finger as love slaves, then something about you “wanting” someone is what’s causing the real problem here.
Let’s examine what those common problems are:
He’s out of my league / I’m not good enough for him-
Mindset is everything in dating. When you BELIEVE and ASSUME that you are irresistibly attractive and that a man (or any man) wants you hardcore, it often comes about.Thing is, sometimes women make “identities” out of their problems – what starts out as a quirky, lighthearted complaint keeps getting repeated until it suddenly becomes their reality and they believe that this is out of their control.
Your beliefs and your dating/relationship reality are completely under your control. But you need to step up and stop programming your mind with garbage. If you’ve been falling into the trap of telling the only-the-ones-I-don’t-want-want-me sob story, STOP IT and never do it again.Instead, start “brainwashing yourself” into this belief: The ones I want the most will find me irresistible and they want me, hard. Now, you may say, “Eric, even if I repeated that to myself a thousand times it would still not believe it.”
Why not? Think about it. There are tons of women… even women who are married… who have never experienced having men obsessed with them, chasing them, idolizing them… you have. You have experience being a type of girl that the vast majority of other women don’t have.
So if you just stop telling that sob story to yourself and act and BELIEVE around those that you want using the same vibe as the ones you didn’t want, then you’ll get the same result. And the more in-demand a guy is, the more he’s craving to meet a girl who actually feels like a worthy partner to him.
You’re only not good enough when YOU decide that you aren’t good enough.
I lose interest once guys become interested in me.
People can be funny animals at times.I’ve known girls that would obsess over guys – chasing, checking their texts, etc… until he started liking them back or showing signs of commitment.These girls loved the chase. They loved the notch on the belt. But most importantly, they loved the reassurance to their ego – having their “prize” like them back validated them as being good enough in the world.
I’m not here to judge, but if that’s your mindset, then I think you’re best course of action is to really examine yourself and see if you have an issue becoming vulnerable to people or opening up. In these types of cases, a fear of becoming vulnerable or sharing a real connection / bond is terrifying to these women (or men) and once that psychological hole is repaired, then the potential for a relationship becomes possible.
He seemed interested, but then lost interest. Now I’m hooked on him and he’s withdrawing.
OK, when he was interested, you were living and enjoying your life.Oftentimes when this happens, a woman goes from living a full, well-balanced life to putting all her eggs in one basket: the relationship. Instead of going out with friends, she hangs out with the boyfriend. Instead of exercising at the gym, she eats Ben & Jerry’s and watches movies with the boyfriend. Instead of doing the hobbies and interests she loves, she spends time with the boyfriend. And at first it’s magical and fun… the reason is that both the guy and the girl are “full” – full of love of themselves, full of love of their life, full of a great mood and outlook.But then they start swapping out all the things that “filled them up” in their life and they replace with spending more and more time with each other. They make the error of thinking that the relationship is filling them up, when in fact, their great relationship is a bi-product of them leading a full life and loving themselves
So in the case of what you’re talking about, most women don’t realize this and they make the tremendous mistake of trying to “repair the relationship”. The relationship is not the problem – it is always a bi-product of your life.
To improve your relationship, improve your life and your love for yourself. If a relationship “makes you” crazy, neurotic and paranoid, it is inevitable that the relationship will fall apart (and it will fall apart even quicker if you act on your crazy, neurotic, paranoid state of mind and blame him for it…)
Fill your life with activities you love, people you love, etc. Fill your mind with love for yourself – the woman who wants love from the world but cannot bring it about in herself will be forever thirsty for love… Love always starts within you and flows outward.
Plain and simple, he doesn’t like me. He’s not attracted to me.
First, let’s be clear on “liking” and “attraction”.I remember one girl that I hated at first, but found really attractive. We eventually hooked up and it was actually pretty awesome… but that’s beside the point.The important thing is not to confuse “liking you as a person” and “feeling attraction for you”. Two separate things. I’ve had women I’ve loved as people but couldn’t force an ounce of attraction for them if I tried. And I’ve felt tons of attraction to some women who I loathed as people. Nature is funny, I guess.
To be clear though, I like the vast majority of women that I’m attracted to. I’m not trying to say that being “hate-able” is a strategy for getting guys attracted. It’s not.
I am saying that provoking emotions, positive or negative, is usually a sign that attraction potential is there.
Moving on to my other point…
This is similar to what I was saying at the first part – when you ASSUME he wants you, you are far more likely to have him end up wanting you. Why? Because when you think you’re hot, you come across as confident.
Most people (and their thoughts) are not well-formed, concrete decisions. They’re kind of gray, on-the-fence, neutral thoughts unless spiked with emotion or inspiration from the outside.
So when a person believes strong enough that they are hot and irresistible, the minds of others subconsciously pick that up and just roll with it (unless given a massive reason not to).
From a psychological standpoint, it’s fascinating. Even when you’re not a guy’s type, if you believe he wants you hard enough, oftentimes you’ll tip the scale and his mind will make an exception for you.
I learned this trick from an ex-girlfriend actually. I never told her this, but I was never into fair-skinned girls with freckles – just not my type. But I was really into her – I thought she was hot, sexy and irresistible. Man, she had me chasing her… she definitely played me for a fool.
And the power behind how she got me so wrapped-up on her was on this powerful assumption. There was a night where she casually told me, “Oh yeah, when me and my friend go to the bar, we act like we own the place. I don’t care what people think, I don’t care who they are – when I am there, I am the celebrity, I get what I want and everyone wants me.”
And she was right – she was actually a fairly shy girl, but when she stepped into a party or bar, she always owned and commanded the room.
If you can master what I’m explaining here, you’ll have that power too. Even if you’re “not his type.
So there you have it – why he doesn’t like you and what to do to turn the scales in your favor.
Hope that helps,
eric charles
P.S. Want to know how much your guy really wants you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) "Does He Like Me" Quiz right now and find out how "into you" he really is...
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